Well it's a damn train strike over here , the train people only want a 2.5% pay rise and a four day week . Bless them all.
So rather than take the chance I might get on a limited service packed with people or not at all in fact I thought what the hell Ill take the bike up to London. Well what a bloody eye opener!
I travelled up with my brother on Thursday heading for the financial center of the city (dont hang me ) . Couldnt go on the M25 , which is fondly known here as the circular car park arround our capital city, because there was a 8 mile traffic jam at 6.15 am ???????. So we head up the A12 which is a two lane road that the Romans built . Funnily enough it still has the same pot holes in it that Julius Caesar made with his chariot to chase down Boudicia queen of the Iceni.
What a marvelous forum this is to get all this history information eh?
Anyway , off we trotted at 50mph being eyed up by car drivers . You can see the snarl on their faces.as you pull past them to get into position at the traffic lights. You filter up the side of the cages and get yourself in front if you can . Better a cage behind you than in front .
Its funny how a white van driver can think he can out accelerate a motorbike isnt it (truck driver for you stateside guys) , but hell they do try. So imagine trying to stay in front of mad manic cagers and then finding yourself swamped by the strangest breed of animals you have ever come across. Cyclists!! They have no rules what so ever. They run red lights ,climb pavements (sidewalks) , weave between cars and lorrys without looking for other road users . They ride in bus lanes and look at you as if your a **** when you go past them at a reasonable distance even when your allowed to be there yourself. I detest them now absolute idiots.
We come off a slip road into grid locked traffic , I pull the mirrors in and get as far as I can before being held up between two lorrys belching out great plumes of black smoke. Jeez I thought the days of coal fired transport was over years ago in the world. I look to my side and see a sign that actually made me laugh "ENTERING A LOW EMISSION ZONE" . Righto , Im looking like a welsh coal minner from the 1930's and the sign says low emission zone , hell yeah.
We weave and paddle the bikes up the ramp and see the problem. Another set of strange creatures from the bike world , scooter man, has decided to see if he can drive under a London bus to save time. He didnt look good TBF and the paramedics were all over him and the police were standing about seeing if any pregnant women need to pee in their hats (another one of those strange English laws, any pregnant women who needs to go can use a policemans helmet).
We pass the poor sod and head off to the site of the 2012 Olympic's . We can see the stadium to the side of us and you can almost hear the roar of the crowd as the athletes thunder arround the track. No actually its white van man trying to overtake me again , thrashing the guts out of his engine while doing about 5mph . I glance right and three scooter boys covered in war paint bounce their .erm , bikes, off cars bumpers and curbs and , me and , well you get the picture.
We reach the biggest test now , Sheikra holds no fear when compared to a roundabout in the middle of London when there is a train strike on. Cars and lorrys nose to tail , cyclists , scooterman and power rangers , all profesional London death dodgers weaving in and out of the traffic .
The traffic is at a standstill and there is about 3 foot between cars and lorrys all snarling looking for blood. Its getting tense , my brain is screaming for freedom. I start to go insain, I get the bike between a lorry and a car and edge the bike to the middle of the road. There are busses going both ways and scooter man zipping in and out like some humming bird dance. The I hear this bang bang bang bang noise. This bloke on an orange HD goes past on the other side of the road scattering scootman and cyclist dude like bowling balls.
Porche man flicks his cigarette and HD man catches it in his teath and blows a smoke ring. No I lie , he actually scrapes his pipes on a curb in a shower of sparks but ignors it and carrys on. After battling for 5 miles of nose to tail carnage we eventually make it to the safety of the bike parking . Its taken 30 minutes on a bike to go 5 miles without dieing but we made it.
On the way home I managed to cut up a police car, an ambulence, 3 scootermen and 19 cyclists and got home in 50 minutes lol. I have become commuter man!