Finally Doing It...

[kawichic]

Unfortunately, *this* is not just affecting me. Bret's family BBQ was today, but my son didn't want to go, and when he doesn't want to do something, he can make it miserable for everyone there. So I didn't argue with him. He's outside playing with his friends now, but earlier when Bret came outside, it was obvious he was p*ssed. He wanted me to go to the BBQ too, but since my son is hardly 9 years old, I couldnt very well leave him alone. So Bret's at the BBQ and I'm at home, sitting on the couch, rip-sh*t and angry while my son plays outside.

Should I have forced my son to go to the BBQ, chance him acting like a punk and embarrassing me and Bret in front of Bret's entire family? Nothing seems like a good answer. Go to the BBQ and have a frustrating miserable time, or stay home and be miserable. Either way, seems misery is upon me.

Okay, *now* I want a smoke.

[badlandsbrett]

I'm not going to tell anybody how to raise there kids but if my kids were putting up a fuss about about doing anything I sure would'nt allow them to go play after. By allowing him to pull off the attitude you are telling him its Ok to do this and it will happen again and again. A 9 year old should not be allowed to control any situation. I understand Bret being pis*ed. Oh wait a minute I guess I did tell you, sorry. It kinda sounds like maybe you didnt want to go deal with his family and were using you son. I could be wrong my tells that all the time.

[kawichic]

I dont have any problems with Bret's family, so no, that's not correct. Its true I didn't wanna deal with my kid's attitude, so I chose to stay home, and maybe that wasn't the right way to handle it. But I certainly didnt want to go to the BBQ if my kid was gonna act up and ruin it for me and others.

[c_law23]

looking at this whole thread it's amazing that you have so many things going on in your life yet you seem to think about is smoking an awful lot.

hundreds of people quit everyday, once you realize it isn't that big of a deal, I think it might make your life a lot easier. deal with the mountains that appear to be in your life and don't make the smoking mole hill another mountain to overcome.

just an observation and hopefully maybe a little perspective to help you out

[VindianaJones]

You actually let him go back outside to play? Girl, you need to get this kid on track now! You haven't seen anything yet and if he continues to control you then your in for a whole lotta problems ( and you seem to have to many of those allready) Reading all your posts in the last 6 months, I have to say that you need to get your life in order. You seem to have that type A ( enabler ) personality that is causing many of the problems that you seem to want to share with all of us.
Perhaps some professional help is in order!

[Jonathan70363]

Ma: We're going to ****** today.

Kid: I don't want to

Ma: Ok then, me and you will just stay home and clean the house, go start by scrubbing the toilet for mommy

[Seadog1967]

I think today's kids are running the show too much. Parents make the rules not the kids. My kids did as told. There was no democracy, no vote, Parents make the rules Kids follow. End of story. I look at the trouble my daughter has with her teenage son. (divorced also) Told me that he was going to be able to do everything she never could and have what she couldn't have. Guess what. He's a jerk (hate to say that about only grandson but it's the truth). When he's around us though he's polite and as should be. Time to take back control.

[kawichic]

This morning started out rough with my kid, but Bret came into the room and in an overly pleasant tone said, "Let's go for a walk."

5 miles, possibly more, we walked with my son around town. After some tears, a little *talking to* from me on the side of the road, and me having to say, "Things are about to change, and you're not gonna like it one bit," my son walked all 5 miles and with every mile achieved, his attitude began to change drastically.

Needless to say, we're home now... having left the apartment at 10:30am and just returning at 1:30pm... and my son is contently and quietly playing in his room. lol

[kawichic]

Day 4: things are getting easier now...

[tkuligowski]

You know from my experience in working with people with developmental disabilities and mental illness you have to nip problems in the butt when they are kids. Most of the DD people I work with are lazy as hell extremely unsanitary and throw a fit everytime they don't get their way. They became problem childs when they were young and learned that if they throw a big enough fit they get their way. Finally their parents aren't able to handle them anymore and they get sent to mental institutions and group homes.

I'm not saying your doing a bad job parenting or anything. I just wish I could go back to when some of these people I worked with were kids and teach them right because it seems once they learn they can control with their behavior it sticks with them the rest of their lives.

[kawichic]

Well, my kid's definitely not lazy or unsanitary. He showers almost every day, and he'll play outside with his buddies all day if I let him. I think I'm just gonna have to take the *boot camp* approach to my son. After our 3 mile walk, we stopped and ate lunch at a pizza place, then continued the 2 miles back home. Upon returning home, my son's attitude had improved dramatically. It seems taking away the video games, his friends, and sending him to his room doesn't work for him. But physical work does. I told him that from now on, if he disrespects me, or gives me major attitude, or doesn't do what I tell him to, we're gonna go for long walks. His eyes got big as saucers. "No more grounding, or discussions, or arguments," I told him. "You misbehave and you and I will be walking your attitude away. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He nodded, not looking all that please, then said, "Can't you just take away my Nintendo DS?" I smiled and shook my head.

We'll see how this works.