Mechanics tool uses

[1400pilot]

Most every man knows what each of these tools are supposed to be use for, but recent research has uncovered what they are actually used for.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful forsuddenly flinging flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch..."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in
Sindelfingen, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

[Tod]

Oh man those are great! I'm in tears.

[zedx11]

Yes, thoes are great.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

LOL

[BamaBob]

That's funny - and mostly true!





http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb065&pp=ZS

[2WheelFun]

LOL...Excellent post Deron!

[trikebubble]

3/8" drive ratchet - an instrument used to hit, bash or whack a bolt that will not feed thru a hole.

[trikebubble]

Phillips screwdriver. Have you guys down there wised up yet and realized a Robertson screwdriver is the only way to go. Can you even buy a Robertson in The States, or is it still a Canadian secret?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robertson_screwdriver
http://www.mysteriesofcanada.com/Ont...son_screws.htm

[Spok]

Originally Posted by trikebubble

Phillips screwdriver. Have you guys down there wised up yet and realized a Robertson screwdriver is the only way to go. Can you even buy a Robertson in The States, or is it still a Canadian secret?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robertson_screwdriver
http://www.mysteriesofcanada.com/Ont...son_screws.htm

this line captures it

Today Robertson screws are scarce in the United States, accounting for 10% of screws sold, while being very common in Canada, where 85% of the screws sold use the Robertson head.

[trikebubble]

Originally Posted by spok

this line captures it

Today Robertson screws are scarce in the United States, accounting for 10% of screws sold, while being very common in Canada, where 85% of the screws sold use the Robertson head.

Well then you are really missing out on something.

[Spok]

Originally Posted by trikebubble

Well then you are really missing out on something.

I would tend to agree that a square slot screw provides more contact area for the tool to apply pressure, however I have used these before and if the quality of the metal material is substandard, you'll get a pretty round divot in the top of your screw toot-sweet...kinda like a phillips head does.

not arguing, just adding

[Chuckster]

Those were good...and a lot of truth to them!

[BigJohn]

Been there, done that, time and time again....must be heredatary....

[ispeed77]

those were awesome Deron !

[ispeed77]

Originally Posted by trikebubble

Phillips screwdriver. Have you guys down there wised up yet and realized a Robertson screwdriver is the only way to go. Can you even buy a Robertson in The States, or is it still a Canadian secret?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robertson_screwdriver
http://www.mysteriesofcanada.com/Ont...son_screws.htm

looks like a square drive bit. about the only thing down here that uses that is some decking screws most new electrical equipment. most new electrical outlets, switches and such can use either a flat head or a square bit. the square drives do work awesome though.

[CowboyBob]

Great list and so very true!!!!

[pitchinguy]

LMAO......great list & too true!!

[trikebubble]

Originally Posted by ispeed77

looks like a square drive bit. about the only thing down here that uses that is some decking screws most new electrical equipment. most new electrical outlets, switches and such can use either a flat head or a square bit. the suqre drives do work awesome though.

Actually watched a documentary about Mr.Robertson tonite. Henry Ford had considered using his screws on his first cars but demanded that Mr.Robertson license the screw patent to him. He refused, and Henry Ford eventually went with Mr.Phillips screw. (which Mr.Phillips didn't actually invent, hr just bought the patent)
I still wouldn't use anything but a Robertson if given the choice.

[1400pilot]

Originally Posted by ispeed77

looks like a square drive bit. about the only thing down here that uses that is some decking screws most new electrical equipment. most new electrical outlets, switches and such can use either a flat head or a square bit. the suqre drives do work awesome though.

campers and trailer houses use those type those types of bits also, at least my camper is put together with them.

the auto makers are now switching to torx headed screws, which wont strip as easy but will still strip nevertheless!!!

[ispeed77]

Originally Posted by trikebubble

Actually watched a documentary about Mr.Robertson tonite. Henry Ford had considered using his screws on his first cars but demanded that Mr.Robertson license the screw patent to him. He refused, and Henry Ford eventually went with Mr.Phillips screw. (which Mr.Phillips didn't actually invent, hr just bought the patent)
I still wouldn't use anything but a Robertson if given the choice.

i think i remember hearing that before