![]() |
![]() |
|
|||||||
| Click here to see some of our favorite links! |
|
|
![]() |
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools |
|
|
#1 (permalink) |
|
secret agent
BTK Expert
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lolo, MT
Posts: 13,992
|
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 ================================================= Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 18 ) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil ! is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28 ) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow. 38 ) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48 ) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total - - $4,165.00 But you know the job was done right!
__________________
====== 08 ZX14 ====== |
|
|
|
|
|
#3 (permalink) |
|
Speed Learner
Extreme Forum Supporter
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Round Rock, TX
Posts: 19,861
|
Sad part is...most of us probably know someone that's done something at least very similar to, if not exactly, like this.
__________________
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.” - Cullen Hightower |
|
|
|
|
|
#6 (permalink) |
|
Speed Learner
Extreme Forum Supporter
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Round Rock, TX
Posts: 19,861
|
ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. .
![]()
__________________
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.” - Cullen Hightower |
|
|
|
|
|
#8 (permalink) |
|
Ridden like a Ford!
BTK Expert
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Miami, Fl
Posts: 4,018
|
16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
i am guilty of this one. only because the idiots that collect used oil dont collect used filters.....only in America!
__________________
2001 Black Mustang GT 2005 Phantom Silver 1500 Classic Royal Purple synthetic oil in both |
|
|
|
|
|
#12 (permalink) | |
|
Speed Learner
Extreme Forum Supporter
![]() ![]() Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Round Rock, TX
Posts: 19,861
|
Quote:
Hell yeah send it on! tod.sailor@grandecom.net Schwiggety, I'll get to check it out tonight when everyone else is asleep.
__________________
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.” - Cullen Hightower |
|
|
|
|
|
|
#14 (permalink) |
|
Motorcycling's Dr. House
BTK Expert
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seymour,CT
Posts: 3,588
|
How I change oil......
Pull 1992 Mitsubishi Galant VR-4 into shop. Park on Rotary Assymetrical Lift (7000 lb capacity) Lift car using hoist points into air Reach for Snap-On OEXM-170 17mm wrench After positioning the drain pan under plug, remove plug Reinstall plug, using new drain plug gasket MD050317, torque to 37 ft lbs Remove old filter, after draining, replace with new MD031805 Crush old filter Remove drain pan from under car Set tires to applicable pressure Lower car Replace oil with Mobil1 15w-50 (4.2 quarts) Back car out of shop Wash car for free on wash rack Oil at Wally Mart $21.00 Filter and gasket over parts counter $8.00 Total cost $29.00 Knowing an ASE Master Auto Tech just changed your oil=Priceless |
|
|
|
|
|
#15 (permalink) | |
|
TV Guru
BTK Expert
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 8,352
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#17 (permalink) | |
|
TV Guru
BTK Expert
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 8,352
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#18 (permalink) | |
|
RIP Deron - 1400Pilot
Extreme Forum Supporter
![]() ![]() |
Quote:
__________________
In Memory of Deron Harden - 1400 Pilot. You are missed. |
|
|
|
|
![]() |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| Beware of auto oil and additives | JK591 | Kawasaki Cruisers | 99 | 04-03-2008 01:32 AM |
| men's rules for women - wouldn't let the wife see | Freakinout | Off Topic | 48 | 02-26-2008 10:59 AM |
| Changing oil problem | 98ninja | The Mechanics Corner | 2 | 09-17-2005 05:13 PM |
| Beginning mechanic question, changing oil | deadseasquirrels | The Mechanics Corner | 5 | 04-13-2005 11:15 AM |
| How to change oil on 99 ninja 500R | mixery2k | The Mechanics Corner | 8 | 01-22-2004 07:49 PM |