[txt] Changing oil - men vs. women

[anamosity]

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
=================================================

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18 ) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil ! is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28 ) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow.
38 ) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48 ) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

[zedx11]

thats, just not right.

[Tod]

Sad part is...most of us probably know someone that's done something at least very similar to, if not exactly, like this.

[zedx11]

hey aren't you suposed to be napping?

[anamosity]

Originally Posted by zedx11

hey aren't you suposed to be napping?

+1
busted

[Tod]

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. .

[zedx11]

LOL

how you feeling?

you live too far away for me to offer much help but ...
can i send you the stuff gene sent me to help me heal?

[Frankt07]

16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.

i am guilty of this one. only because the idiots that collect used oil dont collect used filters.....only in America!

[CowboyBob]

I have never been in that boat....thankfully!!! I have seen people that stupid though...they usually blow themselves up with fireworks or do something else equally dumb to remove themselves from the gene pool!

[kc6wfs]

That almost happened once.......




Not to me..

Dave

[Billy D.]

anamosity, Do your own oil changes?

[Tod]

Originally Posted by zedx11

LOL

how you feeling?

you live too far away for me to offer much help but ...
can i send you the stuff gene sent me to help me heal?

I'm a lot better today, less sharp pains (which meant I had to come to work ) but everything is taking forever to do with only the one good paw.

Hell yeah send it on!

tod.sailor@grandecom.net


Schwiggety, I'll get to check it out tonight when everyone else is asleep.

[ispeed77]

hehehe LOL

[elr658]

How I change oil......


Pull 1992 Mitsubishi Galant VR-4 into shop.
Park on Rotary Assymetrical Lift (7000 lb capacity)
Lift car using hoist points into air
Reach for Snap-On OEXM-170 17mm wrench
After positioning the drain pan under plug, remove plug
Reinstall plug, using new drain plug gasket MD050317, torque to 37 ft lbs
Remove old filter, after draining, replace with new MD031805
Crush old filter
Remove drain pan from under car
Set tires to applicable pressure
Lower car
Replace oil with Mobil1 15w-50 (4.2 quarts)
Back car out of shop
Wash car for free on wash rack

Oil at Wally Mart $21.00
Filter and gasket over parts counter $8.00

Total cost $29.00
Knowing an ASE Master Auto Tech just changed your oil=Priceless

[CTRider]

Originally Posted by elr658

How I change oil......


Pull 1992 Mitsubishi Galant VR-4 into shop.
Park on Rotary Assymetrical Lift (7000 lb capacity)
Lift car using hoist points into air
Reach for Snap-On OEXM-170 17mm wrench
After positioning the drain pan under plug, remove plug
Reinstall plug, using new drain plug gasket MD050317, torque to 37 ft lbs
Remove old filter, after draining, replace with new MD031805
Crush old filter
Remove drain pan from under car
Set tires to applicable pressure
Lower car
Replace oil with Mobil1 15w-50 (4.2 quarts)
Back car out of shop
Wash car for free on wash rack

Oil at Wally Mart $21.00
Filter and gasket over parts counter $8.00

Total cost $29.00
Knowing an ASE Master Auto Tech just changed your oil=Priceless

Hmmm, I'm gonna have to get me one of those guys. Does Amazon.com stock them?

[elr658]

Ken, we gotta go riding together for sure. I'll borrow Mrs. Fat Cat Cycles 250CSR.

[CTRider]

Originally Posted by elr658

Ken, we gotta go riding together for sure. I'll borrow Mrs. Fat Cat Cycles 250CSR.

I think my sister is wanting to keep the bike due to gas prices the way they are. However, I've got a lead on another bike. I'll know soon enough if I can swing it. The problem is, it's a bad time of the year to be buying. Too little selection and too high priced.

[Spok]

Originally Posted by Spam

Sad part is...most of us probably know someone that's done something at least very similar to, if not exactly, like this.

I did not!