{Joke} Simple Home Remedies

*anamosity* · 07-31-2006

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Bodie · 07-31-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamosity

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Amen. It seems like every month or so, I find a new use for one or the other.

Billy D. · 07-31-2006

#6 seems practical.

zx14 · 07-31-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamosity

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

im gonna have to try that one

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

wd and duct tape fix everything and anything

SLSChic · 07-31-2006

LMAO!!!!! Dont give the him any ideas, he might try it!

*pitchinguy* · 07-31-2006

Ya see!! More proof about the endless value of this place! Where else ya gonna get those little known but extremely handy household hints??!!! I mean,...#3 is brillient!!

Ninjeff · 07-31-2006

Thmastr · 08-01-2006

had me laughing for a while.. my favourite one is

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

yes the timer is very important!!! roflmao

metalesp · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamosity

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Thanks for the handy info.

Duct tape has to be one of man's greatest inventions.
WD-40 is pretty useful too.

SleekStreak · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by anamosity

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

omg, I think I just laughed so hard I don't need the laxatives.

*Tod* · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by metalesp

Thanks for the handy info.

Duct tape has to be one of man's greatest inventions.
WD-40 is pretty useful too.

Duct Tape is like The Force...it has a light side, and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

metalesp · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tod

Duct Tape is like The Force...it has a light side, and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

It did a damn fine job of fixing up my seat (on my bike of course

)

*jukief* · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thmastr

had me laughing for a while.. my favourite one is

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

yes the timer is very important!!! roflmao

Couldn't you just use leeches instead? Seems like it would be a lot less messy.

Lawn Masters · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by jukief

Couldn't you just use leeches instead? Seems like it would be a lot less messy.

Nah, the sharp blade, timer and really hot iron to cauterize the cut is better. just make sure to have a good bucket on hand.

SLSChic · 08-01-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lawn Masters

Nah, the sharp blade, timer and really hot iron to cauterize the cut is better. just make sure to have a good bucket on hand.

If you ever do that can I watch?

07-31-2006	#1 (permalink)
anamosity camper special BTK Expert Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Lolo, MT Posts: 13,897	{Joke} Simple Home Remedies 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan. __________________ '08 ZX14 '07 V2K LT - For Sale, PM me for details if interested. May '07 MOM

07-31-2006	#5 (permalink)
SLSChic Hallo, mine name iz Gretchen Extreme Forum Supporter Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Lolo,Mt Posts: 8,797	LMAO!!!!! Dont give the him any ideas, he might try it! __________________ ANAMOSITY.COM

07-31-2006	#6 (permalink)
pitchinguy Sum do sum don't, I mite Extreme Forum Supporter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 7,539	*Ya see!! More proof about the endless value of this place! Where else ya gonna get those little known but extremely handy household hints??!!! I mean,...#3 is brillient!!* __________________ *LIGHT ENGINEER Todd's Body Paint Team* *Black 1600w/apes*

07-31-2006	#7 (permalink)
Ninjeff Way Too Much Free Time BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Bloomington, IL Posts: 1,151	__________________ Defender of the 250r honor!

08-01-2006	#8 (permalink)
Thmastr rain is here BTK Expert Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: San Jose, Ca Posts: 2,762	had me laughing for a while.. my favourite one is 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. yes the timer is very important!!! roflmao __________________ Proud owner of an 06 Ninja 250. Yes I am 6'4 and yes I weight 160 lbs

07-31-2006	#3 (permalink)
Billy D. Loves Burning Rice! Forum Supporter Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SouthEast Georgia Posts: 3,286	#6 seems practical.

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