Draft the Old Guys!

[BigJohn]

DRAFT THE OLD GUYS

If you are over 60 the Armed Forces say you're too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 35 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.


For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"


An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)


An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee.


If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.


Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... ER .. One."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone out run a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends.



It's purposely in big type so you can read it.

[Calamarichris]

Sounds like a great idea to me. Old guys were more likely to have voted for Bush in the first place.

"A young man who is not a liberal has no heart; an old man who is not a conservative has no brain." -Sir Winston Churchill

[Bilby]

Not bad, old dudes


Hey, I'm all for sending old dudes out to battle... heck, lets send all of Southern Florida! We'll give them all Humvees and wire the horns to grenade launchers, and let them DRIVE into enemy incampments.


I would predict complete surrender in less then 3 months.

[Svetlana]

LOl- sounds about right to me!

[Pistobah]

Nice post john!

[BigJohn]

I'm old, cranky and cantankerous...Now, get outta my way!

[Bilby]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

I'm old, cranky and cantankerous...Now, get outta my way!

I sir, salute you!


And I fear your front bumper, too!

[r2kool4u]

Sounds good to me but I still am going to join.

[downtown_donna]

Yeah! Yay for the curmudgeon team.

[LuckyArmpit]

An even better one, send my 1st ex-wife!!!! Psycho b*tch from hell!!!!
She'll nag 'em to death!!!! And force them to eat frozen/baked ocean perch!


Lucky...

[Ninjeff]

Originally Posted by LuckyArmpit

An even better one, send my 1st ex-wife!!!! Psycho b*tch from hell!!!!
She'll nag 'em to death!!!! And force them to eat frozen/baked ocean perch!


Lucky...

But he's not bitter. Or anything.

[SilverEagle]

Hmmmh....so I would be just old enough to join the army if this was the case.....................hehehe......pretty darn true none the less.

[sdbrit68]

after 9/11, I tried to volunteer to go back in, they said no thank you, they have enough younger guys........didn't even want me for doing laundry or anything

[Army_of_Ninja]

i respect any one older than me in the army regardless of rank just for the life experience they have over me and the wisdom they can share plus they know all sorts of ways of getting out of dumbass details lol

[likearock4x4]

That's a good one, John. I can see it. And would go along with it too.

[anrfknm]

if you sent us old guys, you'd have war in slow motion. easier to see.

by the way, we're also more sneaky.

[scrappy]

...and I'm sure a lot of us might adapt to suicide bombing as we would prefer that to being nagged to death for the rest of our pathetic lives

[Tbone800b]

I know this was humor but there is some merit to it.

[BigJohn]

Some? Just some merit? Heck, I'm so crotchity that the boss can't stand me anymore. I don't have time for the BS anymore. Let's just go get 'em....

[DirtCrazed]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

I'm old, cranky and cantankerous...Now, get outta my way!

I figured that out like 10 seconds after I joined. LOL!