Oil Change Instructions

[BigJohn]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$20.00
Coffee:$1.00
Total:$21.00


Oil Change instructions forMen:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can toavoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
1 Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
2 Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
3 Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts:$50.00
DUI:$2500.00
Impound fee:$75.00
Bail:$1500.00
Beer:$20.00
Total:$4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!


SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT....

[metalesp]

That was good.

I have all my vehicle maintanence done by the dealer though.

[darkwolf29a]

That's funny. Of course, you don't have to go through all that. I do it all, and it costs me WAY less than that...But, then...maybe it's cuz I wait until after for the whole beer thing. LOL

[NinjaDave]

LOL , Where do you come up with this stuff?

[alec]

Awesome!

[pitchinguy]

LMAO!! Lots of truth to some of that!

[LuckyArmpit]

I can attest to the drain plug!!! Crescent Wrench too. Damn, still can't find my 9/16" box wrench and that was 2 years ago.


Lucky...

[Tod]

So, does it make me a Woman because I let the oil change place do it?

[Billy D.]

Its funny but sad too, I know this had to happen to somebody. It just sounds like something we might do.

[kawasakikid!]

lol thats the story of my life when i do somework at home. but he forgot to have a dog running around barking all the time/and5 kids crying and wify screaming the whole time ur working hahahahahha!

[Michael600r]

Now that's funny right there.

[IIIscorpio67]

GREAT ,,you just forgot burnning your head on the hot exhaust

[CheeseHeadNinja]

Originally Posted by Tod

So, does it make me a Woman because I let the oil change place do it?

Yes

[evmo]

I think I drop the plug in the pan every single time I change mine.

[darkwalker]

Yeah, why don't they put a little screen over the pan hole??

You know what works? Keep a magnetic screwdriver around just in case.

[YurFatMom]

Haha, that is funny!

Originally Posted by evmo

I think I drop the plug in the pan every single time I change mine.

I do too!

Originally Posted by darkwalker

Yeah, why don't they put a little screen over the pan hole?? .

I put a piece of screen on one of my oil pans and it works great. No more fishing for bolts, only problem is it doesn't stack with the rest of the oil pans.

[Utah Motorcyclist]

Rofl!!

[LVCigarz]

That needs to get posted on Gadget's site. LOL.

[CycleDude]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can toavoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

That's the best line right there!

[Alf]

I can relate to most of it except for the DUI part. I find the beer slows the job down one beer sit and relax survey the work to be done. Two beers sit a little longer. Three beers start looking for lost tools drain plugs etc. Four beers order pizza go into the house and finish the oil change in the morning. LMAO.