Just how tough IS Chuck Norris? - Page 7

Guitar7272 · 06-14-2007

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

Chuck Norris used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

------------------

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

------------------

Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.

------------------

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

YurFatMom · 06-14-2007

Here's a naughty one: Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.

---------
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.

---------

The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

MauiAl · 06-14-2007

The poisonous compound cyanide has the formula CN, these are also Chuck Norris' initials. Coincidence? I think not.

Guitar7272 · 06-14-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by MauiAl

The poisonous compound cyanide has the formula CN, these are also Chuck Norris' initials. Coincidence? I think not.

hahahaha one of the best.

Chuck Norris has a whole list of his own facts, he just refuses to press the "submit reply" button because Chuck Norris never submits to anything...

MauiAl · 06-15-2007

When Armageddon happens Chuck Norris will choose not to go to Heaven,but rather to fight here on earth the Devil and his cronies.He will be heard saying"Let the games begin!" Of course the Devil will be screaming like a little *****!

NinjaDave · 06-15-2007

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

NinjaDave · 06-15-2007

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

NinjaDave · 06-15-2007

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

NinjaDave · 06-15-2007

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

NinjaDave · 06-15-2007

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

MauiAl · 06-15-2007

Chuck Norris beat another guy to a front row parking spot at a mall.The fellow used profanity on Chuck not realizing who he was.Obviously Chuck helped him figure out his identity as he was pounding his face in.Now the guy is handicapped and always gets the front row parking.What a guy Chuck Norris is!

Guitar7272 · 06-15-2007

One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Ishmael · 06-15-2007

Chuck once killed two stones with one bird.

MauiAl · 06-15-2007

Chuck Norris does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris

06-14-2007	#121 (permalink)
Guitar7272 The Widows Son Extreme Forum Supporter Forum Supporter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: New Jersey Posts: 9,125	The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide. Chuck Norris used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. __________________ 2007 mean streak It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring... October 2008 Member of the Month

06-14-2007	#122 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue! Last edited by YurFatMom : 06-14-2007 at 09:54 PM.

06-14-2007	#123 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#124 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#125 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#126 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. ------------------ Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#127 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Chuck Norris can kick start a car. ------------------ Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls. ------------------ Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#128 (permalink)
YurFatMom Jedi master BTK Expert Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Middle E., Wisconsin Posts: 3,046	Here's a naughty one: Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years. --------- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take sh*t from anybody. --------- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter. __________________ '03 YZ250 '03 Kodiak 400 '05 YFZ450 I turned blue!

06-14-2007	#129 (permalink)
MauiAl Evil Doer BTK Expert Join Date: May 2007 Location: Butt Crack Oregon Posts: 2,219	The poisonous compound cyanide has the formula CN, these are also Chuck Norris' initials. Coincidence? I think not. __________________ Putting Up With You

06-15-2007	#131 (permalink)
MauiAl Evil Doer BTK Expert Join Date: May 2007 Location: Butt Crack Oregon Posts: 2,219	When Armageddon happens Chuck Norris will choose not to go to Heaven,but rather to fight here on earth the Devil and his cronies.He will be heard saying"Let the games begin!" Of course the Devil will be screaming like a little *****! __________________ Putting Up With You

06-15-2007	#132 (permalink)
NinjaDave Buford T Pusser BTK Expert Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 405	According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

06-15-2007	#133 (permalink)
NinjaDave Buford T Pusser BTK Expert Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 405	Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

06-15-2007	#134 (permalink)
NinjaDave Buford T Pusser BTK Expert Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 405	Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

06-15-2007	#135 (permalink)
NinjaDave Buford T Pusser BTK Expert Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 405	Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

06-15-2007	#136 (permalink)
NinjaDave Buford T Pusser BTK Expert Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 405	The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

06-15-2007	#137 (permalink)
MauiAl Evil Doer BTK Expert Join Date: May 2007 Location: Butt Crack Oregon Posts: 2,219	Chuck Norris beat another guy to a front row parking spot at a mall.The fellow used profanity on Chuck not realizing who he was.Obviously Chuck helped him figure out his identity as he was pounding his face in.Now the guy is handicapped and always gets the front row parking.What a guy Chuck Norris is! __________________ Putting Up With You

06-15-2007	#138 (permalink)
Guitar7272 The Widows Son Extreme Forum Supporter Forum Supporter Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: New Jersey Posts: 9,125	One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself. __________________ 2007 mean streak It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring... October 2008 Member of the Month

06-15-2007	#139 (permalink)
Ishmael Gimme more twisties Forum Supporter Join Date: May 2007 Location: Queensland , Australia Posts: 1,090	Chuck once killed two stones with one bird.

06-15-2007	#140 (permalink)
MauiAl Evil Doer BTK Expert Join Date: May 2007 Location: Butt Crack Oregon Posts: 2,219	Chuck Norris does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris __________________ Putting Up With You

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