72 Questions about the 72 Virgins !!!

[kartshan]

Not to offend anyone. Thought it was pretty funny !

From: 72 Questions on the 72 Virgins

Credits to Martin Bodek

72 Questions about the 72 virgins Humor

The Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and Arafat's terrorist groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins when they reach heaven.

Martin Bodek has 72 questions on how this whole virgin thing works.


(P.S. These questions are rated "R" for highly suggestive language and evocative imagery)

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
1 What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
2 If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
3 Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
4 If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
5 When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
6 Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

[anamosity]

some of those are just damn funny.

[zedx11]

Originally Posted by anamosity

some of those are just damn funny.

7 )If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?

8 )What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?

[MauiAl]

Funny stuff

[LuckyArmpit]

Hilarious!!!!
Hehe...it should be converted into arabic and then sent to the jihadists.

Lucky...

[Ishmael]

Originally Posted by LuckyArmpit

Hilarious!!!!
Hehe...it should be converted into arabic and then sent to the jihadists.

Lucky...

I can think of something else that should be sent to the bloody jihadists!

[chukster]

I have a few questions too.


I wonder if these idiots realize what happens when the deflower a virgin. Does he have to deal with her constantly thinking that "he's the ONE". Is he really ready for 72 women to become latched on to him for giving away the end-all be-all of existence?

Who gets to check for virginity? Is that job posted somewhere? Would it even be a good thing to be a virginity checker for women that live in 110 degree weather, are covered in a blanket and don't bathe regularly?


On a serious note - their leader/prophet (mohammed) married a girl when she was 6 and consummated marriage when she was 9, then he promises virgins to all that die in the name of islam. Wouldn't he be considered a pedophile by today's standards?

Would God really reward humans by offering earthly pleasures once you're not on the earth anymore?

Is that it? You get 72 virgins. I would think that there would be a better reward in heaven than 72 girls that don't have a clue what to do. Wouldn't the guy get tired of teaching them how to do it right? Is it like that movie "Groundhog Day" where the girl is a virgin when he wakes up and he has to teach her how to do it all over again?


I personally like Robin Williams thoughts on this.... What if the guy found out that they were actually 72 Virginians... and they were pi$$ed!