men's rules for women - wouldn't let the wife see

**Freakinout** · 11-05-2003

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Uncle Bob · 11-06-2003

Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles' curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn.
If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals.
If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

**Freakinout** · 11-06-2003

very good uncle bob, you're reaons are better than mine.

I wish it wasn't 30F outside, then I could ride a motorcycle too

Uncle Bob · 11-06-2003

I'm in Quebec, it's been raining for the last three weeks except for when it snowed. Present temp a balmy 33 degrees F. Bike is on blocks till April.

Sigh!

**Freakinout** · 11-06-2003

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle Bob

I'm in Quebec, it's been raining for the last three weeks except for when it snowed. Present temp a balmy 33 degrees F. Bike is on blocks till April.

Sigh!

It is supposed to be 60s+ sunday until tues or wed. Hopefully I can see some more 70-80's in november, it isn't unusual to wear shorts on my b-day (21st november). also isn't unusual to see snow too...

**Kawi** · 11-07-2003

That is some funny stuff!

cameljok · 11-10-2003

too funny guys...gotta post em on my fridge...

Chromequeen · 02-14-2005

Freakinout... Loved the List!

Let me comment, that I think #1 was the best.

**2WheelFun** · 02-14-2005

Freakinout....I've seen that before. Thanks!

Uncle Bob....that was a first and enjoyable to read. Thanks!

**Freakinout** · 02-14-2005

#1 eh? Glad you liked that one!

JTpaintball70 · 02-14-2005

awesome writes to both of you

I'm gonna have to show one of my friends in class this... and see if my bro will show his GF

rlovrin1 · 02-15-2005

:LOL: I loved both.

My favorite line from Uncle Bob's:

Quote:

You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.

Alex214 · 02-15-2005

both were excellent. Great way to start the day... some good laughs

*ispeed77* · 02-15-2005

thanks for the laughs guys, i needed that !

ladies, all you have to do is follow rule #1, is that too much too ask......

Chromequeen · 02-15-2005

Oh Speed, you'll learn soon enough. We allow you to "think" that you're actually in charge.

Chromequeen · 02-15-2005

57 Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men

1. A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour.
2. Motorcycles never develop spare tires.
3. Motorcycles last longer.
4. Motorcycles don't get you pregnant.
5. A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is.
6. Motorcycles don't have parents.
7. Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong.
8. You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going.
9. Your motorcycle won't judge your friends.
10. If your motorcycle is boisterous, you can buy a muffler.
11. You won't have to put your motorcycle through grad school.
12. If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it.
13. Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.
14. When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
15. One motorcycle will satisfy you every time.
16. Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles.
17. Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy
motorcycle.
18. If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one.
19. Motorcycles don't care about breast size.
20. If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks.
21. If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics
to correct it.
22. You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing.
23. You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model.
24. You don't have to go to Tiffany's to register your motorcycle.
25. Your motorcycle won't beat you or try to make you feel inferior.
26. You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp.
27. Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you
dump it.
28. Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do.
29. Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice.
30. Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.
31. Motorcycles don't make you late.
32. You don't have to primp before riding your motorcycle.
33. Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection.
34. If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better
parts.
35. You can't get a disease from a motorcycle.
36. Your motorcycle won't care if you fake it.
37. Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are.
38. Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator.
39. Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles.
40. Your motorcycle won't lie to you.
41. Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are.
42. In the morning, your motorcycle won't poke you in the back when it
wants to go for a ride.
43. You can turn the pet**** off.
44. Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold.
45. If your motorcycle can't fire up, you can just replace the battery.
46. You don't have to cook for your motorcycle.
47. Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back.
48. If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it.
49. Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small
you can just get a new one.
50. You can keep photos of your old motorcycles.
51. Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports.
52. Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides.
53. Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines.
54. You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to.
55. Your motorcycle won't go for rides by itself.
56. If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires.
57. Motorcycles don't snore, they roar!

Right back attcha there guys!!! ROFLMAO!!

*ispeed77* · 02-15-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chromequeen

Oh Speed, you'll learn soon enough. We allow you to "think" that you're actually in charge.

hehehe. i may be young, but i matured quickly, been married just under 7 years already. beleive me, i know the meaning of "choose your battles" !

*ispeed77* · 02-15-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chromequeen

57 Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men

Right back attcha there guys!!! ROFLMAO!!

guess we had that list coming !

aranger · 02-16-2005

lol awsome lists

brian · 02-16-2005

Thats all good stuff. I won't show my wife Chromequeens list. That will be our secret.

11-05-2003	#1 (permalink)
Freakinout The Absentee Forum Supporter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 7,132	men's rules for women - wouldn't let the wife see We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. __________________ Support Self Defense Freakinout

11-06-2003	#3 (permalink)
Freakinout The Absentee Forum Supporter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 7,132	very good uncle bob, you're reaons are better than mine. I wish it wasn't 30F outside, then I could ride a motorcycle too __________________ Support Self Defense Freakinout

11-07-2003	#6 (permalink)
Kawi Proud Owner Of This Forum Forum Supporter Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Red Lodge, Mt Posts: 2,514	That is some funny stuff! __________________ www.bigjimmyk.com/ www.motorcycleridersforum.com www.beartoothkawasaki.com

02-14-2005	#9 (permalink)
2WheelFun the "fun" guy Extreme Forum Supporter Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Albion, Washington "Pacific Northwest" Posts: 32,670	Freakinout....I've seen that before. Thanks! Uncle Bob....that was a first and enjoyable to read. Thanks! __________________ *KING KAHUNA* *2007 V2K LT* ****PICS** 2007 Brute Force 650i **PICS** I love the smell of SeaFoam in the morning**

02-14-2005	#10 (permalink)
Freakinout The Absentee Forum Supporter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 7,132	#1 eh? Glad you liked that one! __________________ Support Self Defense Freakinout

11-06-2003	#2 (permalink)
Uncle Bob No Significant Other Forum Supporter Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Montreal Canada Posts: 5,201	Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles. Motorcycles' curves never sag. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don't get pregnant. You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month. Motorcycles don't have parents. Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong. You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up. You can share your Motorcycle with your friends. If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler. You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is really worn. If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it. Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden. When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time. Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have. Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines. New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them. If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it. If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it. If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks. If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it. You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle. You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle. You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle. You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that Motorcycles are equals. If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again. You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore. Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it. Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride. Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider. Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles. Motorcycles don't care if you are late. You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle. It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle. If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts. You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

11-06-2003	#4 (permalink)
Uncle Bob No Significant Other Forum Supporter Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: Montreal Canada Posts: 5,201	I'm in Quebec, it's been raining for the last three weeks except for when it snowed. Present temp a balmy 33 degrees F. Bike is on blocks till April. Sigh!

11-10-2003	#7 (permalink)
cameljok Still On The Kickstand Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: AZ Posts: 36	too funny guys...gotta post em on my fridge...

02-14-2005	#8 (permalink)
Chromequeen Banned BTK Expert Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Panhandle, FL Posts: 3,209	Freakinout... Loved the List! Let me comment, that I think #1 was the best.

02-14-2005	#11 (permalink)
JTpaintball70 has a surgically implanted keyboard Forum Supporter Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Albuquerque, NM Posts: 3,034	awesome writes to both of you I'm gonna have to show one of my friends in class this... and see if my bro will show his GF __________________ Nathan My Photobucket 2007 ZX-6R 2007 Ninja 650R aka Shion - STOLEN 2-4-08 2001 Jeep TJ NM EMT-Basic

02-15-2005	#13 (permalink)
Alex214 Sit speling cheker BTK Expert Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: West Texas Posts: 439	both were excellent. Great way to start the day... some good laughs __________________ :grin: 2005 Vulcan 1500 Classic FI :shock: ... aka "Gracie" :wink: F&S Windshield & Lowers PhatRiser II's F&S Backrest/ Rack Lindby Engine Guard Kuryakyn Hiway Pegs Coasters Protac Driver Backrest Vista Cruise Navy Vet God Bless America !

02-15-2005	#14 (permalink)
ispeed77 RIP Deron Harden :-( Extreme Forum Supporter Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Gardner, MA Posts: 32,523	thanks for the laughs guys, i needed that ! ladies, all you have to do is follow rule #1, is that too much too ask...... __________________ David - Moderator 2002 Suzuki DRZ400 2003 1500 Meanie, scraping pipes and frame :-) In loving memory of Deron Harden, forever in our thoughts :-(

02-15-2005	#15 (permalink)
Chromequeen Banned BTK Expert Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Panhandle, FL Posts: 3,209	Oh Speed, you'll learn soon enough. We allow you to "think" that you're actually in charge.

02-15-2005	#16 (permalink)
Chromequeen Banned BTK Expert Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Panhandle, FL Posts: 3,209	57 Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men 1. A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour. 2. Motorcycles never develop spare tires. 3. Motorcycles last longer. 4. Motorcycles don't get you pregnant. 5. A motorcycle doesn't care what time of month it is. 6. Motorcycles don't have parents. 7. Your motorcycle will let you know if something is wrong. 8. You don't have to kick your motorcycle to get it going. 9. Your motorcycle won't judge your friends. 10. If your motorcycle is boisterous, you can buy a muffler. 11. You won't have to put your motorcycle through grad school. 12. If your motorcycle smokes you can do something about it. 13. Motorcycles don't care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden. 14. When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time. 15. One motorcycle will satisfy you every time. 16. Your motorcycle won't ogle other motorcycles. 17. Your motorcycle won't care if you have a poster of your fantasy motorcycle. 18. If your motorcycle has high mileage, you can just get a new one. 19. Motorcycles don't care about breast size. 20. If your motorcycle is too soft you can get new shocks. 21. If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it. 22. You don't have to drink beer before your motorcycle looks appealing. 23. You can be proud of your motorcycle regardless of the model. 24. You don't have to go to Tiffany's to register your motorcycle. 25. Your motorcycle won't beat you or try to make you feel inferior. 26. You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get limp. 27. Your parents won't keep in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it. 28. Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride when you do. 29. Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a novice. 30. Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles. 31. Motorcycles don't make you late. 32. You don't have to primp before riding your motorcycle. 33. Your motorcycle won't complain when you use protection. 34. If your motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts. 35. You can't get a disease from a motorcycle. 36. Your motorcycle won't care if you fake it. 37. Motorcycles are always ready to stop when you are. 38. Your motorcycle has a built in vibrator. 39. Your motorcycle doesn't have to show off in front of other motorcycles. 40. Your motorcycle won't lie to you. 41. Your motorcycle doesn't care how heavy you are. 42. In the morning, your motorcycle won't poke you in the back when it wants to go for a ride. 43. You can turn the pet**** off. 44. Your motorcycle won't shrink when it's cold. 45. If your motorcycle can't fire up, you can just replace the battery. 46. You don't have to cook for your motorcycle. 47. Your motorcycle can't ride around behind your back. 48. If your motorcycle is cold you can choke it. 49. Your motorcycle is always the right size because if it seems too small you can just get a new one. 50. You can keep photos of your old motorcycles. 51. Your motorcycle would rather go for a ride than watch sports. 52. Your motorcycle can go for multiple rides. 53. Motorcycles don't need pick-up lines. 54. You only have to ride your motorcycle when you want to. 55. Your motorcycle won't go for rides by itself. 56. If baldness occurs, you can replace the tires. 57. Motorcycles don't snore, they roar! Right back attcha there guys!!! ROFLMAO!!

02-16-2005	#19 (permalink)
aranger Uncle Bob's Love Child BTK Intermediate Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 274	lol awsome lists

02-16-2005	#20 (permalink)
brian Turtle Wax Taster BTK Intermediate Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Belmont NH Posts: 196	Thats all good stuff. I won't show my wife Chromequeens list. That will be our secret. __________________ 2002 Meanstreak Mustang seat Tornado air kit License plate clean up kit Thunder Mfg fuel processor Hard Krome 3" Big Straights

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