Hard decisions in Life

[Xgenn]

For some time now i have been drug free and it feels great to have a clear head im going back to school so that when my lil one grows up she doent see me as a total looser. The past few months have been real hard on me, 90% of the people i know smoke on a daily basis and not cigs. I used to be a true stoner , now that ive been clean for a while when i hang out with people that smoke i feel out of place, not that im better then them just that im pulling away from my friends and when i do hang with them i want to join in again but i wont , i promised my woman that i would stay clean and ill keep that promise. Ive told her all of this and she recommended that i should try a AA type of meeting to see if it helps , but what i do to help stay clean is short visits and alot of video games when i have urges ( i love me some Xbox ) Ill go home go to my chair and veg out on some games, But in the past few weeks it has been real bad, urges beyond what i thought of i chose Family over drugs and will keep it up but i need a outlet of some kind the cold rides helped today so did some games , having my woman say she is proud of me works too but there is one problem i still have my container with a few of my favorite items that i would toke with, and i cant throw it away or give it away. I asked my woman to do it for me but she insists that if i do it it will mean much more to me kinda like closure. This may take years to get back to a normal me again. I tried having a drink now and then but that dont do anything for me im not really a drinker. I was thinking before i wrote this to just really find new friends which will be hard at 31 but i love my friends we all grew up together , family they are great friends. I take some harassing comments about being sober but i know its just all in fun but at times it hits hard. What im really writing this is to cope with a urge i just had.

1. What do you do to stop urges besides rides video games etc i need some ideas

2. I really dont want to go to meetings but it might be the right choice would they help do they work.

I took the first step by selling my half of the company to the other half owner due to his constant verbal assaults on my life choices. I figure a new job a new enviorment will help 100% . He was no help at all not caring pushing drugs at me saying oh come on deep down you want to and you will smoke again. Its comments like that that make me have urges. One buddy i visited the other day had to stop smoking cigs and only smokes the cheeba now we talked about my life and he said you smoke cigs for me and ill smoke some pot for you, we both laughed but he understood no pressure at all. So it goes both ways. I just feel a major change is due , i dont want to loose friends but i might just have too. I have good days and bad days good weeks and bad weeks, my woman and kid are my life and rock i will get through the hard times but those hard time are now. This is very hard to write but i feel i need some people who went through this or are to just i dont know give me outlet ideas and as Frankie would say I did it my way.....

X

[Black Hat]

Your woman is right. If you get rid of those items, it will be your victory. As much as it sucks, you may just have to stop hanging out with your friends that still smoke. Having that temptation on hand constantly isn't going to help at all. I know you know all of this.

I don't know what to tell you to do instead, since I don't know your interests, but whatever you do, make it something constructive. Don't replace one vice with another. If you enjoy yardwork, start doing some landscaping on your lawn. Like working with your hands, build a bookshelf or dresser for your kid. Do housework, if it will get you through the next 10 minutes, if that's what it takes. Every day, every hour, every urge to smoke, is a new ooportunity to do the responsible, right thing for your family. When that urge hits, do something good for your family instead.

Tell your woman that her encouragement means a lot to you, and remind her of that from time to time. Take every day as it comes, and cherish your victories as you achieve them. You have a family that is counting on you to stay the course on your decision. Judging from your post, I believe you can do that.
Good luck to you.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Xgenn

...i dont want to loose friends but ...

They aren't friends

I can't claim to have been through the rough stuff you describe, but I would suggest taking on a new friend in your Creator would be a great way to jump start this reformation.

[elr658]

Axe the friends, they are incapable of being where you're at. On the right track.
Lose them.

[Guitar7272]

Originally Posted by Xgenn

I was thinking before i wrote this to just really find new friends which will be hard at 31 but i love my friends we all grew up together , family they are great friends. I take some harassing comments about being sober but i know its just all in fun but at times it hits hard.

I'm going to have to agree with what everyone else here has said: dump your so called friends. You would be surprised at how much of a difference the company you keeps makes and if they cant be mature enough to not harass you and pressure you about your decision, then they don't value your friendship anyway.

If you get urges, don't start drinking you'll just be replacing one crutch with another... do stuff that you enjoy. I play guitar and that has always helped me cope with whatever is going on in my life.

Throw out your paraphernalia, by keeping it around your admitting that there is a part of you that doesn't believe in yourself. If you really knew you were 100% going to quit, you'd have no reason to keep that stuff around. Tossing it will be a major hurdle in your recovery.

Also, having people to talk to might help; I'm always around so feel free to shoot me an email or PM whenever. Good luck!

[Granny]

Hi Xgenn,

I don't proclaim to have the answers for you but you have made a big start by telling us(forum family, if I can say that) your story. I think you could find a lot of support for you through this forum. Maybe there is someone in your area who would be willing to meet up with you and go for a ride.
There are probably quite a few who are willing to lend an ear and encourage you to stay of the stuff not just for your woman and bubs but for own yourself self benefit. You can always PM me for a chat, just remeber I'm in Aussie land but am willing to email you if thats helps.

Black Hat has some good suggestions in his response maybe you should try something, just don't replace it with booze or smokes.

Maybe take up some sort of sport or go to the gym and workout.

In regards to your friends it may be better to not see them as the temptation may be to great, although if they are good friends they should support you with your decision and not temp you with anything.

Hang in there Mate and if you feel the need, think of the better life for you and yours. Think how proud of you, your ma and pa would be to know that their son is making the effort you are making.

Hope this is of some help to you and if you want to pm me, well i'll be here and as I said I'm am sure there are others that are willing to lend an ear.

Stay strong and stay safe.
Paul.

[Bake151]

I'd want to say congrats to you for the choices you've made so far. Sounds like you're headed down the right road. I'm willing to bet you'll make some new friends and things will get easier. Going back to school is a good choice too. You'll meet new people there. Hang in there, stay tough and it will get better!! Keep us updated on how things are going. I know a lot of people here are cheering for you!

[mrblanche]

Your choice of friends is one of the most crucial decision you can make in life. I have a brother who could find the stoners in an Amish schoolhouse. I always had good friends. I'm 55, and I have 2 houses, 5 cars, money in the bank, a great work reputation, etc. He's 2 years younger, and doesn't even have a driver's license. All he owns in the world is 5 cats.

Dump your stoner friends. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Too bad. Go without friends for a while, if you have to. Go to places where you'll meet good people. Church, maybe. School, possibly. Make a conscious decision to make your life better. Believe it or not, you'll be making the decision to make your life easier.

[sdbrit68]

what is it.....................true friends would support your decisions, the others, just want to drag you to their level so they can feel better about themselves

lose the friends

[MustBeNice]

To me it sounds like you are on the right path..... and you know what you have to do!
-Your women is right - you must destroy your toking tools - for the closure.
-Think of and spend time with your family! (To stop the urges... they are the reason you got sober - right??!!)
-Ditch the friends and find new ones if they don't supposrt your choices. A friend may tease a little, but usually if it's said aloud it's how they really feel!

Good Luck, keep up the good work & will power!

Matthew

[Idaho]

Originally Posted by mrblanche

Your choice of friends is one of the most crucial decision you can make in life. I have a brother who could find the stoners in an Amish schoolhouse. I always had good friends. I'm 55, and I have 2 houses, 5 cars, money in the bank, a great work reputation, etc. He's 2 years younger, and doesn't even have a driver's license. All he owns in the world is 5 cats.

Dump your stoner friends. Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Too bad. Go without friends for a while, if you have to. Go to places where you'll meet good people. Church, maybe. School, possibly. Make a conscious decision to make your life better. Believe it or not, you'll be making the decision to make your life easier.

It is nice that you have all of those things. But is your brother happy? There is more to life than material posessions. We all seek the same thing in life...happiness. Sometimes achieving that means giving up some of our preprogrammed ideas of what others would have us believe. Some of the truly happiest people I have met have much less than I do. And I don't even come close to having what you do...lol. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you and you have no doubt worked very hard to have earned what you have now. Well done, enjoy.

I wish Xgenn the very best and I admire his efforts to live a better life. Congrats. If you want it bad enough you will achieve it.

[antiq]

You already quit. You've made the commitment to yourself, your wife and your children. Destroy your toys for the smoke. The friends who respect and support you are worth keeping in your life. But life moves on as you are now. It's up to them to keep up. You already have friends where you are going. Some have already posted some real good advice. When you are jonesing run the vac for your wife. Wash clothes, spend some play time with the kids. Spend some time with the bike. You can PM me too if you like. Hmm starting to sound a bit like an AA meeting here.

[mrblanche]

Originally Posted by Idaho

It is nice that you have all of those things. But is your brother happy?

I wish Xgenn the very best and I admire his efforts to live a better life. Congrats. If you want it bad enough you will achieve it.

Nope. He worries about every little thing, has about 5 teeth left, and can never do anything "for fun," because he can't get anywhere without finding someone to give him a ride.

[Tod]

You've already shown that you have the courage you need, now it's just taking that final step and cutting the last remaining ties to that old life.

You'll make new friends, good ones, they will be a positive influence in your life, and you'll be a happier, healthier person going forward.

Make your peace, eliminate the 'bad-toys', and embrace your future.

[NCDave]

X,
Can't say that I understand what you are going through, but hang in there. There's lots of nice folks here who are pulling for you!

[antiq]

Now if I could just quit the blasted cigs!

[NCDave]

I did that the first of the year. spent a week or so with a constant low-grade headache that nothing really helped with. Was also lightheaded, kinda like altitude sickness feeling. Lately it's been not being able to get to sleep at night when I go to bed. Once I fall asleep, I'm fine. it's just getting there.

[Svetlana]

It's all been said already X...

A friend is there to provide encouragement during tough times... if they aren't doing that, then they aren't your friends. They are your 'old' friends- we've all got them. Life takes us on our separate ways, and while we will always remember them and the lessons we learned alongside of them, we also don't let them dictate our lives or our future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting go of close ties if you find they are toxic to you in any way.... anything less than that would be irresponsible.

You dictate today and tomorrow. As someone else has pointed out, you've already made the commitment to yourself. You CAN keep it... there is no question that you are capable of achieving the goal you have made for yourself. It will be tough no doubt, and I can't say that I can completely relate to this dilemma b/c I can't... but we've all got our own battles to fight. The only thing worse than the fight is not fighting it when you know you must.

Someone recommended going to the gym. I have to second this X. Many ppl that quit only take up another not-so-good past time. There's nothing wrong with playing your XBox, of course, but I've known a few ppl personally who have allowed video games to consume their lives just as much as any other substance.
We are our own ecosystems, essentially. When we neglect any one area of ourselves, then all areas deteriorate. Working out will actually impact your physiology.... it will not only impact the 'material' you (the one you can see in the mirror, the one that carries and lifts heavy things, the one that can run up a set of stairs without huffing and puffing, etc), but it will impact you emotionally and will greatly affect your outlook for the better. We know through countless research that the brain is greatly affected by working out. If we remember that our brains constantly rewire themselves and adapt (which they do... crash course on brain phys), and we also recognize that exercise actually increases brain activity, reduces depression, and leads to healthier aging (google all of this and you'll find numerous research from JohnsHopkins, AMA, etc), then you can quickly accept that exercise can counter your other desires, and that your brain itself will re-hardwire itself in order to adapt to your new lifestyle... and guess who'll be happier for it? Your lady. Your daughter. Your family. The many friends you will meet. And most importantly, you.

I would say best of luck, but it doesn't take luck. You can do it.

[Svetlana]

I knew I'd forget to add something!

Applaud yourself X for having a clear picture about the person you wish to be.... and having the gutts to make difficult choices and decisions in order to become that person. That is integrity. You aren't a 'pothead' or anything else... you are a man of integrity. That's much more than many ppl can honestly say. Give yourself some credit for that and remind yourself of that often.

and get that gym membershiP!

[fretbuzz]

Back in high school I wasn't exactly the choir boy I am now but I came to a point where I realized it was time to grow up. I asked a few of my "friends" if they wanted to grow up with me -they said no so I grew up and made real friends.

Be strong -God is always willing to pour out His Grace.