New California drivers test!

[RichLockyer]

CALIFORNIA DRIVERS TEST

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California , here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new Exam.

Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in California , you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special Application and driver's test solely for the California area.


2007 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

Name: ___________________
Stage Name:__________________
Agent: ___________________
Attorney:____________________
Therapist's Name: _________________
Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female* [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both
*If female, indicate implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
[ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:

_______________________________________________
(Use extra pages, if necessary)

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Lifting weights
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:
[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___
[ ] b) Be shot at ___

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.
[ ] b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through.
[ ] d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] a) Stop your car.
[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.
[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
[ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4 News.

In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.
[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.
[ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ________

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] a) Prozac
[ ] b) Zovirax
[ ] c) Lithium
[ ] d) Zanax
[ ] e) Valium
[ ] f) Medical pot
[ ] g) Zoloft
[ ] h) All of the above
[ ] i) None of the above*
* If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*
[ ] b) 1 hour
[ ] c) 2 hours
[ ] d) 3 hours
[ ] e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain: ____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway.
[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

Which part of your car will wear out first?
[ ] a) The wiper blades
[ ] b) The seat belts
[ ] c) The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:
[ ] a) Security
[ ] b) Convenience
[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
[ ] c) Revenge

If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test; you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear, or move.

[Matt zx-6rr]

Originally Posted by RichLockyer

[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)

That is great.

[900classic]

That is great! Thanks Rich.

[cmptrmn.1]

California, here I come.

[Black Hat]

What, no spanish translation?

[c_law23]

[RichLockyer]

Originally Posted by Black Hat

What, no spanish translation?

Why would they apply for a license?

[Black Hat]

Excellent point.

[davidcl]

I understand that you can have it read to you...if you do not read....also they have it in korean, vietnamese...and any other language you consider yours..

[sdbrit68]

actually 18 languages, we wouldnt want to inconveinence anyone by making them learn the language so they can read the signs properly


great one rich

[Il Burlone]

We're in America...why would we inconveinance other nations with our language when we can just bomb them?

[sdbrit68]

but then,we pay to rebuild the country

[Il Burlone]

Good point...we just need to fu%&ing pick don't we haha....hahahahah destroy...wait....nevermind

[trocar]

it appears that Ontario is using the same liscence test as California.

[Ruger]

Great Rich,

I used to fly out to San Diego quite often. I had to go to the Courthouse (I think that was what it was - had to get some government forms filled out)and while I was sitting waiting I noticed a huge circular desk area in the middle of the room with a huge sign above it that said "Register Aliases Here". It was a very busy desk. Curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked the clerk I was dealing with what the desk was for. He just looked at me like I was stupid and explained how you can use any (or as many) aliases as you want legally as long as they are registered!

He may have been giving me a line of BS, but then it was California so I took it as true.

[RichLockyer]

Originally Posted by Ruger

He may have been giving me a line of BS, but then it was California so I took it as true.

Not 100% positive, but I think he's right.
As I understand it, you can ADD to your name any time you want and begin using it legally, but when you want to remove something from your name, there's a more lengthy process (but still not much harder than a marriage-related name change).

So I could legally change my name to "Rich Tyrone Pedro Xing Ivan Hans Guido Lockyer" simply by beginning to sign my name and identify myself as such.

[Seadog1967]

We'd have to redesign the forum layout if your ever did that Rich. LOL Might be hard to fit yer new name otherwise

[Alf]

I like it pretty thorough but probably full of loopholes or holes of some kind.

[Black Hat]

Originally Posted by RichLockyer

So I could legally change my name to "Rich Tyrone Pedro Xing Ivan Hans Guido Lockyer" simply by beginning to sign my name and identify myself as such.

Any guesses as to which one of those is his real middle name? I'm going with Hans.

[RichLockyer]

Originally Posted by Black Hat

Any guesses as to which one of those is his real middle name? I'm going with Hans.

Actually, none of them