Subject: World History 101 - Caution political humor

[BigJohn]

Subject: World History 101

For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals . . . just to **** them off.

[cmptrmn.1]

Glad my wife won't see this.

[jaseman]

BigJohn,

As a Liberal, I find your view of world history VERY flawed (though amusing).

While you Conservatives were out hunting for the BBQ meat, us Liberals were in fact back at the village. But we were the ones running the brewery!! (someone had to make the beer)

[PainlessWolf]

...and here I thought conservatives _were_Jacka**es instead of Elephants for thinking they were the biggest and most powerful land animals on the planet.(or in the government) *Silent Wolf Laughter* I dunno where you find this stuff, Big John but I really laughed when I read the part about the Liberal Men who "evolved into women" presumably to 'service' the 'Conservative men'. I know it's all in fun but ya gotta wonder about the mindset of someone who writes something like that.
Painless Black Wolf
...Here for the Dawn...still a Republican...

2005 Drifter 800

[socalmarcus]

From possibly the last true bastion of conservative thought in California - Orange County (though it's being taken over, city by city) - I loved that Big John, thanks.

[ImpactG]

It's true... it really is! Somebody told me it was true.

[rustygunner]

Kinda true if you think about it... well mostly true. I will send that to a few special people, lol.

[Guitar7272]

Good story... where's my slab of meat and bottle of Guinness?

[desade]

funny and probably true. Tonight I am going out for sushi and sake, my girlfriends treat

[CowboyBob]

Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals . . . just to **** them off.
I forwarded it to everyone I know!!! And everyone I thought would get bent out of shape over it...LOL!!!!