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Time to Ride
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Funny Puns:

* Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
* When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
* I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
* A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
* I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
* Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
* Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
* What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
* There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
* The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"
* Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
* Question: How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America? Answer: With the Discover Card.
* Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
* Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.
* When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
* A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
* This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."
 

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Ok, this was almost as bad as my free pick up line software for my iPhone, but I still think the iPhone app is worse :)
 

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where does a king keep his armies.


in his sleevies.
 

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sdbrit posted ten puns to try to get us to laugh. No pun in ten did.
 

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Two tanker trucks travelling in opposite directions crashed into each other.
One was carrying water; the other was carrying vinegar.

DOUCHE!
 

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Warning V2k Onboard
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, Gentlemen. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two boll weevils grew up in Texas. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

There were two Eskimos sitting in a kayak. They were cold so they lit a fire and the craft sank. It only proved once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him "Juan." Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... what? Answer: A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 

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oooh and to quote one from one of my favourite films:

One day there was these three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. the baby tomato starts lagging behind and daddy tomato gets really angry so goes back and squishes him and says "ketchup!"


:lol:

3 pieces of string walking down the street and they come across a bar. Feeling thirsty they all walk up to the door only to see a sign saying "no string allowed". Somewhat perplexed, the first piece of string pushes open the door, walking inside and doesn't get 2 foot before the bouncer grabs him "the sign said no string allowed" he shouts as he throws him out.
The second piece of string decided to try his luck so he walks in confidently, the bouncer is getting angry now, "i thought i told your friend, no pieces of string in here!! geddout!!" so the piece of string turns round and walks out defeated.
The 3rd piece of string is really thirsty by now, and determined not to be refused entry just for being a piece of string!
So he wriggles around, twisting and bending himself.... he messes up his hair and then confidently strides into the bar. The bouncer looks at him a little confused "Hey there Mister, are you a piece of string!?" he asks....
"no, i'm a frayed knot" he smiles as he walks up to the bar to get a drink
 

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... at the old, ballgame!
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If I have a piñon, and you have two piñons, what we have is a difference of a piñon.
 

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Patriot Guard Rider
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2 guys ran into a bar,,, You'd think the second one would have ducked!

A Mushroom walks into a bar and sets down to order a beer. The bartender says "we don't serve mushrooms here!" Mushroom looks around and says"Why not? I'm a fungi. "


:D
Aif
 

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A hole has been found in the wall surrounding the nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
 

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Warning V2k Onboard
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A hole has been found in the wall surrounding the nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
Preliminary reports suggest that they are keeping well abreast of the situation, and that a quick solution is imminent.
 
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